I’M BACK!

I haven’t posted in over a year and I don’t really have a real excuse for it lol I just haven’t really felt like I wanted to. It’s weird, each time I try to start something, the feeling leaves me. But anyway, I’m back.


And we had a baby!

Alhamdulillah, ALLAH has blessed us with this little miracle of life and we couldn’t be happier.

I think it’s important for me to talk about what happened at first though, because I’ve learned that this is not something women talk about. Also, I’ve come to realize that perhaps the reason I haven’t been able to write is that I wanted to talk about my experience but I just wasn’t ready yet.

On the 3rd of May, I did a pregnancy test and it was positive. I seriously could not wait for my husband to come home from work so I could tell him. I had it all planned out in my head that I would tell him in some cute way but as soon as he walked in, I just blurted it right out. We were really excited.

Then, on the 9th of May, I started bleeding. It was the scariest thing I ever experienced. My grandfather and my husband took me to the hospital where the doctor examined me and they said that I was having a threatened miscarriage. This bleeding continued for a few days and I spent most of that time in bed, crying my heart out, afraid for the baby I’d loved from the moment I knew it existed. When the bleeding stopped, we moved on with our life, thinking that the baby must have been fine as the pregnancy symptoms continued and eventually got worse as the weeks went on. I never went back to the doctor.

On the 4th of July, I went for my first scan. Before I went in and in fact before the sonographer put my scan up on the screen, I was extremely anxious because I didn’t know what to expect. She asked me how far along I was and I told her I was about 12 weeks. When she finally got the scan up, my entire body relaxed as I saw my little miracle, still looking like a bean. That’s when she said that it wasn’t possible for me to be 12 weeks, this was a perfectly healthy 8 week scan.


She advised that I must have miscarried when I bled and then 2 weeks later, I was pregnant again. I couldn’t believe it and usually, our bodies need a bit more time to get “back into the swing of things”. Clearly, ALLAH had other plans for me and He knew that I was ready to have a baby.

Because I’d cried and mourned back then already even though I wasn’t sure, I managed to “handle” this information and kind of just wanted to get to my husband and talk to him.

We spoke about it at length and we will NEVER forget our first little Bean but we knew it was important for us to move on and focus on the baby we were going to have.

When we went for the next scan and the sonographer informed us that we were having a boy, the relief on my husbands face was comical! I think he’s so afraid of having a girl!

I only really started feeling him move about 5 months in and it was always just little flutters now and then. When it became fully fledged kicks, I could not handle the excitement! No matter how many times I felt him in there, I was delighted and excited each and every time. It is one of the most amazing feelings ever and made me love being pregnant even more ( even made up for all the morning sickness – which I experienced throughout my pregnancy ).

On the 14th of January 2018, at just 8 months, I gave birth to the most beautiful and wonderful little boy any momma could ask for!

 

 

ILYAAS

 

 

The Media in 2016

Does anyone else feel as if the world has just become like a girl on her period? Overly sensitive and emotional as hell. (Even this post would offend certain people lol)

I keep thinking about how we used to have the ability to say whatever we want and feel how we want and think with our own brains. These days it’s like aaaahhh! you can’t say this or that or someone might be offended or that’s cultural appropriation. Like what even is that and who the hell cares??? People should have the freedom to wear their hair however they like, or wear a scarf or whichever accessory they want.

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I think sharing your culture should be a beautiful thing. Wearing feathers in your hair or braiding it or whatever the hell you want, I dunno, just do it.

But THIS is not cool…

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If it’s acceptable for one, it should be acceptable for all.

And THIS is especially horrific…

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But in other instances, it’s just unneccessary.

I don’t mean to go on another rant but I read the news a lot, including celebrity news, and it just annoys my life how people get emotional over the dumbest shit you can ever imagine. Like Vanessa Hudgens got told off for wearing a dream catcher in her hair. Regardless of the fact that she is apparently of Native American descent, it shouldn’t matter. How many people have dream catchers over their beds? It’s the same damn thing. Oh and don’t get me started on people going off at Kylie Jenner for having her hair in cornrows. It’s a hairstyle for goodness sake, if she can’t do cornrows because it’s a “black thing” then black people shouldn’t use a telephone ’cause a freaken white guy invented that!!! And don’t EVEN tell me I’m racist. I’m only making a point.

People need to quit with this stupid “cultural appropriation”, it’s only a means to separate people even more and push agendas down our throats. Like this is your culture, you keep it to yourself and this is mine and I’ll keep it to myself. Its proof of how powerful the higher-ups are that they make people think they are forming their own opinions about certain things when it’s really their (the higher-ups) ideas.

Its bullshit, every culture is beautiful in its own right. Share it, love it, live it and enjoy your life!

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Moving…

Okay so Saturday began with a frenzy. It was moving day and everyone was excited.

After having moved so many million times (I’m such a hyperbolist), we have it down pat. It used to take me about a week to unpack AAAALLLLLL my things (I’m a bit of a hoarder, but in a cute way. I promise), and by Sunday evening my room was perfect.

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YES, my bed is unmade. Whatever. Move along.

I’m so excited to go shopping for some decor. Now that everything is unpacked and in their rightful places, I know exactly what I’d like to do with my room. Right now, it’s the only place in the house that feels like home to me because there are still boxes to be unpacked elsewhere and also, we have no lounge furniture yet LOL. The house is absolutely beautiful. Its difficult to get used to because it feels like we’re on holiday here. Maybe its TOO beautiful.

My only struggle is what the hell do I pair the salmony/maroony counter-tops and cupboards (forgot to take a pic of said cupboards) with???

Any aspiring interior designers with some advice???

Cancer Can Suck It!

So I’m scrolling down my Facebook Timeline and I come across this page – https://www.facebook.com/Relief-for-Naaziyah-1692938677621405/ .

It’s about this beautiful young fighter who yesterday, lost her life to a horrible, terrifying and all-encompassing disease. At 11 years old, your life should have been filled with homework, friends, crushes and fun. Instead; you had pain, anger, doctors and hospitals. It’s unfortunate, but God knows best.

May He put ease in the hearts of your family and grant you the highest place in Heaven, InShaALLAH, Ameen. It wont be easy and you’ll carry this pain in your heart for the rest of your lives and for a while, each time you hear her name you’ll cry but one day, you’ll think of her and you’ll find reasons to smile and slowly but surely that pain will ease.

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In 2012, I lost someone close to my heart. My beautiful Aunty Nina was diagnosed with liver cancer and within about 4 months, it had taken over her body and destroyed her.

Let me tell you though, she was strong as hell. Not once did she cry, not in front of anyone anyway. She always had a smile ready, dealt with her pain like the fighter she was and even though she was the one suffering, she’d always be the one comforting us.

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This is a dedication post. To the beautiful souls lost to this heartless disease, the ones still fighting and those who have survived. God gives the hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. Never lose hope and ALWAYS keep fighting.

The Life of a Nomad

Do you know what I’m most afraid of?

CHANGE.

Growing up, I didn’t really have much stability. My parents were together on and off and we moved a lot. Like, a hell of a lot. I’m now 22 years old and I’ve moved at least 23-25 times in my life. Granted, it’s slowed down plenty but it’s still just too many times. Hence, I call myself a nomad.

Anyhoo, we’re currently in the process of moving – ONCE AGAIN. And it’s been tiring. But when you’ve moved as many times as we have, you tend to get the knack of it and become way more efficient with it. Regardless, I’m quite excited about this move.

Firstly, our new landlord has promised us a long-term lease (not everyone can afford to buy, you know). And secondly, when I do FINALLY get married, #bae will be joining me there. And I honestly can’t wait for that. Not for the reasons most will think. It’s just I’ve finally found someone who’s company I truly enjoy and it sucks like all hell when he has to go home. My little heart can’t deal. People have asked me – on numerous occasions – how it’s possible that I don’t get sick of him. It’s such a strange question to ask because when you marry someone, you’re in their face like 24/7. How can you possibly “get sick of someone” with whom you plan to spend the rest of your life. Doesn’t make sense to me…

Oh and it doesn’t hurt that this is my new room…

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Can’t wait to start making it my own. I wonder if #bae will mind it being a little girly, since I’ve never really had the opportunity to make a room my own. I’ll probably be trolling some decor blogs for ideas…Suggestions?

Thoughts

So the funny thing about me starting a blog is that I decided to do it to get rid of all the thoughts floating around in my head because it’s become quite crowded in there. Yet I find myself struggling to choose what to write about.

My mind is in constant turmoil lately…

It’s as if each and every thought is fighting for dominance over my brain. To be the one thought I fixate on for some time. It’s literally given me a headache. I just need to get away from it all and relax, clear my mind. But that’s impossible too.

Isn’t responsibility a bitch? All I want to do is curl up in a little ball and have someone else take care of me and everything else. Just for a little while, so I can regain my sanity.

Like I understand that I’m no longer a little girl and shit is definitely getting real but GEEZ, a break would be great. I am so beat and totally uninspired. I JUST NEED A BREAK.

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